Me, Charley, the one and only
Most of the time it's alright being a dog. It's alright being a working dog too. My job is not very strenuous – I’m Chief Product Tester at Charley Chau.
This mostly involves going to sleep in luxurious dog beds and having to snuggle under cosy dog blankets. When my dog friends hear about my job for the first time they think I'm a jammy b*gger. But actually, it is a bit of a pain as I'm an Italian Greyhound which means I prefer running around and causing carnage to sleeping.
I have to go to work every day. No paid leave or anything. This situation is a bone of contention with the humans and I’m thinking about setting up a union. I will let you know how that goes. Apart from that though, it’s generally OK having to test beds.
I also like the bit where the humans take photos of me. I’m handsome and it’s only right that they share my photos all over the internet. What annoys me is when Little Stinkster (a.k.a. Theo) muscles in on the photoshoots. He’s a right little attention seeker and makes everyone fall in love with him by being cute.
Theo just wants everyone to love him. Pah!
Theo is cute – because he’s a squirty little dog. I’m handsome. The humans say we’re all gorgeous in different ways but they’re full of baloney and just trying to make the others feel better about not being as handsome as me. Apart from Anna who’s a girl and I wouldn’t call her handsome. I’m a bit scared of Anna but don’t tell her that. Anna’s my half sister and she gets away with blue murder because she's the only girl, and she's really pretty, and butter wouldn't melt but she's a right bossy old bitch!
Ninja is quite handsome but he’s a nightmare. If he was human he would be on ADHD drugs. He can’t sit still for two seconds and basically just tears around all day. I cause carnage but it's considered carnage. I have a plan. Ninja does not have a plan. He is just a maniac.
Tino off to do some ninja-ing
I think I like this blogging business and will post again when I feel like it. In the mean time, here is a horrible story for you humans to ponder …
Last week I had a sore tail. It was a bit red near my bottom bit and I kept licking it. By bed time a swollen lump appeared next to my bottom bit. By morning it was ginormous. I had to go to the vet, who stuck a finger in my bottom bit. Not only did it hurt, a lot, it was so totally undignified.
Apparently the gland next to my bottom bit had blocked and then swollen, and then popped! Well, what a hoo har. I ended up with drugs – some for pain (it hurt) and antibiotics. And then they made me wear the cone of shame! Talk about adding insult to injury! And all this after never once ever having to have anything done to my bottom bit in all my 6 years on this planet!
Hard at work even when I had to wear the cone of shame!
Three days later we were back to see the vet. She is called Emma by the way. I was not impressed. Especially when she did the unmentionable again. She didn't even apologise for invading my personal space. And she told the human I had to go back again!
Well, I ended up there for the third time in a week and thank goodness that seems to be that now. No more appointments. Frankly, I think the vet is not very nice, and I don’t care that the humans think she’s wonderful. She even tries to bribe me with Schmackos. I’ll take your Schmackos lady but don’t you think for a second that I don’t know your game.
Anyway, I warned you that it was a horrible story. And now the humans keep looking at my bottom bit "just in case". Just in case of what exactly?!!??? It’s alright being a dog most of the time but the humans can be a nightmare.
Post cone of shame trauma - back to having a good old scratch and rub,
and my bottom bit is perfectly peachy thank you very much